Some words are very powerful.
People will remember how you made them feel for much longer than anything else.
That’s why words like “Your way is understandable” is so powerful. All of us wants to feel we’re sensible. All of us want to feel we’ve done what we could with what we have. It’s so EASY to forget that people are not bricks in a battlefield paper map moving exactly like ordered. It's easy to forget that choices look different when you’re the one drawing a map for yourself and others doing something new in urgency compared to watching the completed map in a calm situation.
It's easy to feel like you would have done so differently yourself.
Sometimes it feels hard to accept the method of the path taken by someone else.
Yet, accept their way. Their reasoning goes a long way in creating a change. Accepting what’s been and what it doesn’t mean you have to accept the results OR hurts or things you see in your perspective along with their way, along with their path, along with your projection of their path.
Accepting is the starting point. Embracing what is, what has been. That’s often the best way to push towards what may be. Toward the individual's potential. You CAN'T know other people's potential. Thinking you do would be limiting them to yours. And we get so mixed up with our own biases it’s hard to see others for what they really are. Including ourselves.
So if we accept we CAN’T possibly know the potential of anyone else, why is it so important to help them feel acceptable?
Try stepping on other people's toes and you'd feel like a moron for not knowing a better way.
Doesn’t HELP to volunteer that potential does it?
This comes very close to my old cast “that other way works just fine” – if you delegate on what to build, like a relationship AND develop your co-workers, you need to accept that it will not be done exactly like you’ve done it in the past. We’re all unique. I won’t go into stuff like policy, regulations, etc. Listen to that cast instead. Also, accepting where you came from is really a helpful way to make the best of the future.
So independent on HOW they did it, focus on the results you want and not on comparing the different ways of reaching it. It's easy to confuse ourselves, for example by ranking each individual choice between one another. The ranking between each other is ONLY relevant when everything else is equal in the matrix, and that will almost never happen. Focus on the metric of the results you want and compare each X to those results, ignoring the completion.
Same thing when selecting a new job among multiple offers.
Same thing when selecting a vendor among many.
Same thing when selecting a candidate from a pile of resumes.
Same thing when selecting a car among the brands.
Same thing for everything we do. It’s so EASY to get biased within THOSE we select from that we sometimes forget what we need. If any of the above or below is what you need, but the best among the company is what you have listed. You have to accept there are candidates you are unaware of always. You might need to re-design your needs. Create something new of someone's state of the world currently.
Going back to embracing the potential. If we limit ourselves to saying well it’s the best car/candidate/vendor from the list, we might end up with a great car that can’t serve us when we’re a full family. We have to compare our options to the need, not among the options.
A few quotes related to his cast, that might help you internalize these for your own benefits.
Embrace what is. Don’t let yourself be fooled by your own biases, or of that bias someone else puts into your face by a ranking of anything.
Embrace what has been. Don’t think you can step on someone's toes AND get their max potential at the same time.
Race doesn't chase – origin of quote unknown to me.
Aim to compare against the results and the outcome you want, independent of what other people do, don’t do. Ignore what you think they think. Focus on the result FIRST to remain unbiased. THEN listen to other people’s feelings etc. People are the ones creating results. Focus on people in the right way and you will get results AND happy people.
Are you where you want to be? How much of that “want” is yours and yours alone, and how much of it is biased by others lists and rankings? Imagine as well the ladders, ranks and similar metrics?
Do you know how to measure what’s important to you in your next choice?